The following was anonymously submitted to us via email and is published below as it was received.
Sunday, October 4th, 2026
One balmy fall night some angry jaguars went hunting in the streets of Tucson for bootlicking profiteers. They decided to give Stamback Sanitation Services a tip- DROP THE FUCKING CONTRACT! Cease providing services to Fisher Sand & Gravel or you will continue to hear from us. Fisher is receiving billions from the Department of Homeland Security to build a horrific, ridiculous double wall along the border, cutting through sensitive ecological areas and slicing apart border communities. Our beautiful Sonoran desert will be here long after your pathetic border wall crumbles to dust.
The jaguars were also shocked at how easy it was to tip a Porta-potty. So little strength required! A clever hunter can even easily lower it gently to the ground, avoiding loud noises. And suddenly everywhere they look, they see those purple little boxes, wobbling unsteadily in the wind...
The jaguars sleep soundly, knowing their many friends will try this exciting new nocturnal game out for themselves!